Thursday 17 August 2017

Day 185

Yesterday we hit the 31 week point. It feels as though we're approaching the home stretch, but this could well be the longest 2 months ever.

We've recently had a fantastic weekend in France, our final chance to get away with nothing to worry about but ourselves... it was truly fantastic, and we had such a good time. We considered it our baby-moon, and it couldn't have gone much better.

We've also decided that we're going to look into moving house, which is an additional stress but I gather a lot of couples seem to do this as their first baby is imminent. We've been renting for years, but we now have this overwhelming need to live in our own place, somewhere we can call home for many years to come.. so we continue to save, save, save - but you know what? It's very satisfying to save. I did always wonder how I manage to spend my wages, but I did often treat myself - I've had my fair share of beers and takeaways, but now I'm stamping that out and setting myself strict weekly budgets, and I've been fine. I don't feel as though I'm missing out on anything - in fact I feel like I'm gaining responsibility, I'm investing in the future. 

Jackeline is pretty much constantly in pain now. Sleep is becoming a real puzzle because she just can't find a position where she can be comfortable, no matter how many pillows we throw in. I'm losing space in the bed too. I've set up a soft area on the floor where I can sleep if I do find myself lurking perilously on the edge of the mattress, but I know she'd be upset if I had to resort to that.

We're both getting a bit tired of this whole pregnancy thing to be honest... But it continues to be amazing too. The moments before bed when we watch baby rolling around, we can see Jackeline's belly moving. I'm hypnotised by it. I'll give her belly a kiss in the morning, and every now and then I'll receive a little kick back. My little connection with my unborn daughter. 

Things are good. Baby appears to be healthy still, Jackeline is doing an incredible job of looking after her and I still feel as though we're in our little bubble going through this together. 

I am finding it difficult to moan though, you know? I can't rightly get home and say how tired I am, or how my body aches - because it'll be nothing compared to what Jackeline is going through. I basically have to get my act together. I can't get away with feeling sorry for myself any more. 

For what it's worth, I have been tired a lot lately.. But as I've been reminded so regularly, it's only going to get worse.

Wednesday 2 August 2017

Day 170

I'm growing up.

I'm also becoming impatient. Organised. Twitchy. Relaxed. Scared. Proud. A whole host of contrasting adjectives, none of which stay around for any extended period of time.

My stubble is sprouting white hair by hair, but my heart is feeling youthfully excited. I'm basically a walking, sleeping and sitting contradiction waiting to know which parts of my character will be imprinted on this little rabbit when she is born.

I've always been a fan of magic. Always been thrilled by the unknown, and always wanted to remain in the blissfully ignorant, not wanting to know the secrets to a truly impressive magic trick. This isn't quite as fanciful as pulling a rabbit out of a hat, but bear with me on this metaphor.

Jackeline is the magician. She is quite literally creating something out of nothing, doing things I do not understand. Things that don't make sense to me, things so amazing that I don't even want to know how they work. Her body is creating a human where there wasn't one before. Get your head around that!? With many a famous magician, you can usually figure out what they do to create the illusion - the difference here is that it isn't an illusion. This is real. I have the best seat in this little theatre, watching the slowest magic trick unfold before my very eyes. What an outstanding piece of art, a wonderful masterpiece, the most spectacular of events.

She appears to be doing it with consummate ease too. Yes, she may be uncomfortable at times but I'm sure Houdini wasn't exactly having a relaxing time when he was mid-trick either. 

On the whole, I am overawed, thrilled and bursting with anticipation. I cannot wait to see how this trick unfolds, and I just know that the big finale is going to be incredible. I want it to end but I don't want to stop watching.

What a show. What a magician. What an absolute honour this experience is.

I love my little family. My wife and my unborn daughter. They are beyond human to me at the moment. I'm sure that they will soon become very human and very real, but for now I'm happily swept away by my own childish innocence, overawed by their brilliance and absolutely enchanted by their magical ways.