Today I got called a bastard

 

..and I loved it.

bastard

ˈbɑːstəd,ˈbast-/

noun

noun: bastard; plural noun: bastards

1. archaicderogatory

a person born of parents not married to each other.

synonyms:

illegitimate child, child born out of wedlock; love child.Mor archaicnatural child/son/daughter "he had fathered a bastard"

2. informal

an unpleasant or despicable person.

"he lied to me, the bastard!"

 

There are very few things in general for Crewe fans to be upbeat about. We, as a club, tend to lollop around the bottom half of League 1, never quite sure how safe we are from relegation - and more often than not, leave it until the final day of the season to find out.

You'll often catch me bragging about former players, and touting the likes of Nick Powell and Ashley Westwood as future England stars - but the reality is, they have left Crewe and have moved on, whilst my beloved Railwaymen sit around twiddling their thumbs in the lower reaches of the league.

In the last two years, however, Crewe have taken me to Wembley twice. Firstly in the League 2 Playoff final, which we won against Cheltenham 2-0. Secondly against Southend in the Johnstones Paint Trophy Final last year, which we also won 2-0.. and it is this victory against Southend that leads to my being called a bastard at work today.

Whilst casting an eye over proceedings during the interval, a lady in her 40s approached me asking where she could get phone signal as she wanted to check the football results - so I told her to head to the Box Office where signal is best. I waited a couple of minutes before, quite professionally, deciding to go for a wander. My wander just so happened to take me into the Box Office, where I thought it may be a good opportunity to also check out the football results.

Needless to say, Crewe are 1 point clear of the relegation zone with just 1 game to go - so as by their usual standard, are leaving it until the last minute to inevitably lift my spirits or drop me into a miserable depression. Their penultimate game was today, and I knew that it was 0-0 with 10 minutes to go, but unfortunately work got in the way and I couldn't check the final score.

My curiosity got the better of me and upon reaching the spot where this woman was fiddling with her phone, I asked her the simple question "Which team are you after?"

I was expecting a reply like 'Spurs' or 'Chelsea', but to my surprise she said Southend.

Brilliant, Southend - currently a division below Crewe, and defeated by Crewe in the JPT last year in a game that I attended. These moments don't come about often for the average Alex supporter, surely I should brag and gloat! I should tell her how great it was to see my team lift the cup! I should rub it right in her little Southend nose at how my team are better than hers..

But no. Having not had much experience of being able to gloat about my team, I stood their awkwardly silent as I reached for my phone (professionally).

Then she asked me.. "What about you? Who is your team?"
"erm... Crewe" I said, followed with a "we're on the verge of relegation..."

It took her a few seconds to process what I'd said, but when she figured it out she started the ball rolling... "Crewe? We played you last year..!"

"Yes you did, I went to the game"

"Yeah.. You beat us didn't you?"

"Yes, it was the JPT final.. I went to that game" 

"Bastard"

 ...and that was it.

I laughed a little, and wished them well for their promotion campaign before sweetly walking away with the feeling of having one over someone, because of the team I support, for what feels like the first time ever. Today is a good day!

 

F1 Teams - Red Bull

This weekend, and over the next 11 race-free weekends, I will be posting my opinions on each current F1 team.

Today is the turn of Red Bull, the former champions.

L-R: Daniel Ricciardo, Sebastian Vettel

Red Bull have dominated the world of F1 for the past 4 years, they've been so successful that I've disliked them. I've hated them. I've wanted failure to reach them, and in particular I have wanted to see Sebastian Vettel crash off in every race - but this year, not so much.

There was something about the partnership between Vettel and Webber last season that left a bitter taste in the mouth. They were clearly not on good terms, and Vettel felt and acted as though he was the top dog. Granted, he has been the World Champion for 4 years running, but he could've been a bit more humble about it.

He reminds me sometimes of a Lord Farquaad type character. He is confident and ruthless, which are great qualities in F1 - but he lacks the personal touch and has a sense of arrogance. He challenges his team, and selfishly seems to put himself and his personal gains ahead of those who helped him get there. He has been a very dislikeable character.

Mark Webber retired at the end of last season and after a long time deliberating, Red Bull promoted Daniel Ricciardo from Torro Rosso, their sister team. It was a popular choice all round as Ricciardo has shown in his few years of F1 that he can race, he is consistent and more importantly - he is very likeable. He brought with him a breath of fresh air to the Red Bull garage, one I feel has turned them into a team I almost quite like.

Don't get me wrong, Vettel still has his flaws - but this season, with the current dominance of Mercedes, Vettel is quieter. He wears the Number 1 on his helmet, but he knows he currently can't compete. He actually comes across as a nice guy in interviews.. and more brilliant than that, Ricciardo is currently outracing him and is showing that he's adapted to his new surroundings with ease.

Daniel Ricciardo, smiler, fan of the honeybadger. I will admit that when the Red Bull seat was available, I was routing for his then-teammate Jean-Eric Vergne to take it. There was generally nothing between the two drivers at Torro Rosso, but for me JEV was seen as the outsider and I couldn't help but support him as an underdog. Ricciardo has a smile that covers about 90% of his face and has an extremely positive outlook. He is a perfect fit for a team ruined by a bitter rivalry last season.

As well as the two drivers, they have Christian Horner as Team Principal - and I don't know if I like him or not. I have to give him credit for being Principal in a team that has won everything, but I don't like the hint of arrogance he has;

He decided to ignore the warnings from officials in Australia that Ricciardo was exceeding the fuel flow rate, claiming that the equipment was faulty and that their own equipment showed different readings. Ricciardo, after finishing 2nd in his home Grand Prix, was later disqualified. Red Bull appealed, they lost the appeal.

 

The issue here is that the officials in Australia apparently sent out the same message to other teams who were exceeding the fuel flow rate - but those teams listened to the officials and adjusted the cars mid-race. Horner chose not to do this and paid the price.

 

I can't really talk about Red Bull without mentioning Adrian Newey, their Chief Technical Officer who has consistently helped provide Red Bull with not only fast cars, but cars that will win races on a regular basis - thus leading to the dominance of Red Bull in recent years. When qualifying and races are timed to the thousandths of a second, the fine intracacies of the car make all the difference.

So I guess ultimately my opinions of Red Bull are mixed. I like Ricciardo and want him to do well. Vettel, I'd quite like to see him compete but not win too often. As a team, I don't hate them like I used to, though I'm reluctant to say that.

#F1 #RedBull

50 days until the World Cup

The Premiership is almost over, teams across the country are celebrating promotion or consoling themselves after being relegated, and there are teams making a last ditch effort to claim the playoff places. Summer is right around the corner - and it is now just 50 days until the World Cup!

As an Englishman in his 20s, I have never seen the national team taste success. I have been wrapped up in the patriotic optimism that sweeps the nation before these tournaments, and suffered the inevitable disappointment that swiftly follows... But I love it. I can't help but get excited. I know that it'll end in frustration, but I don't care - the anticipation during the build up is addictive, and this year is no different.

Since the last World Cup, my life has changed a huge amount. I have changed jobs twice, found a girlfriend, moved house with her and got engaged - but the best bit of all, she's Colombian! I have two teams to follow in this World Cup for the first time ever! Double the anticipation and excitement, and inevitably double the disappointment (but that can wait). Twice as much blind optimism and the possibility that England might just play Colombia in the knock out stages.

With Colombia in Group C, and England in Group D - it isn't out of the realms of possibility for the teams to meet in the first knockout round. For this to happen Colombia need to win their group with England coming second in theirs. Alternatively, England can win their group and Colombia finish second.. If this does not happen, the only time afterwards they can meet would be in the World Cup Final - can you imagine?!?! 

No.. I can't imagine either.

Colombia are currently sweating on the fitness of their star striker, Radamel Falcao, who managed to damage his cruciate ligament in a cup game a few months back - and he's still a little way from recovery. He'd be a huge loss to the Colombian national team and would ultimately make them considerably weaker. That said, I'm still expecting them to qualify from their group with some ease - I don't think Japan, Greece or Ivory Coast will prove too much of a threat.

England on the other hand don't really have a star man. They're a team in transition with a few young players hoping to get the chance. Personally, I'd like to see the likes of Shaw, Sterling and Barkley given a chance to show themselves on the World stage, but that largely depends on how brave Hodgson is with his squad selection. Either way we'll do well to qualify. I'd say Uruguay are favourites to top our group, and it'll be between England and Italy as to who claims the second spot. Our first game happens to be against Italy, a game which I'm predicting a drab 0-0 which means the games against Uruguay and Costa Rica will be very important.

But we'll see! I don't know any more than anyone else, and I don't have a crystal ball. My mind and opinions will change, but hopes will fluctuate and I'll place some optimistic bets that I have backed up by convincing myself that I know what I'm on about.

More than anything I will enjoy it, and I can't bloody wait!

St George's Day

I don't think we celebrate St George enough.. He slayed a dragon! Even Shrek didn't manage that...

I'm quite partial to the odd beverage, and would happily slurp a Guinness on St Patrick's day, and sip on a scotch on Burns Night, but have hardly ever had a drink for the sake of St George.

He may look a bit feminine on Wiki, but he was brave and loyal and he's the Patron Saint of England, so on this day I think it's only fair I have a couple of beers to celebrate.

Here are my drinks of choice - the most English looking ones at the shop down the road;

..and here is how to slay a dragon, stolen from innocent drinks twitter account. I imagine this will come in incredibly handy once the 'very reclusive' and 'deeply fictional' beast is found!

Happy St George's Day one and all!

FM14 - The Red Bull Challenge

Football Manager 2014 is a game I am obsessed with. I can't explain why.. I hate that I love it. It tortures me, it takes away hours of my life and it pulls me in - and I'm not even that great at it.

So for the sake of this blog, I'm going to set myself a challenge.

The Red Bull Challenge involves winning league titles and cups whilst being in charge of a club owned by Red Bull. There are 4 such teams on the game; New York Red Bulls, Red Bull Salzburg, RB Leipzig and Red Bull Brasil.

 

I would love to complete this all in one file, but I'd need jobs to open up at the right time and I find it unlikely that this will happen - so I'm going to start with RB Leipzig in the German Division 3, and see what happens from there. I will load the other leagues anyway, just in case the opportunities do arise.
 

I'll be using the 14.3.0 update, and will be using FM rather than FMC. I will use a large database, and load the leagues from Brazil, USA, Austria and Germany from the start. I'll also be starting as myself, with a Sunday League reputation.

 

I imagine that the journey from the German Division 3 to Champions League champions will be quite a long one, and I also imagine that somewhere along the way I'll get sacked before completing the challenge - but never mind! Let's be optimistic shall we? Let the challenge begin!

RB Leipzig

Founded in May 2009

'Die Bullen' (The Bulls)

Stadium: Red Bull Arena

Capacity: 44,345

Transfer Budget: £0

Wage Budget: £95k per week

Target: to finish the season in the top half of the table

Having a look at the squad, I think I have a good chance of reaching my target and even pushing for promotion. There are a number of reasonable defenders, a couple of high potential wingers and one striker who looks like he'll bang in plenty of goals. I need a bit more in the midfield areas, but beyond that I'm quite happy with the current crop.

I'll be making a few changes to the backroom staff, but nothing major as I think changing too many things at once will be detrimental to my career.

Keep an eye out for my next FM14 post, which will be posted after the pre-season.

 

#FM14 #RedBull

Formula 1 - The season so far

Hello!

I had originally typed out a whole, long-arsed entry about F1, the teams and the drivers, giving my personal opinion on each and every one - but I've since decided that was a waste of time. You will soon learn the following anyway;

• I expect Hamilton to win the Championship
• I want Ricciardo, Magnussen and the Williams team to do well
• I hate Maldonado & Sutil
• I'm not always right - and yes, it is difficult to admit that

If you are not interested in F1, worry not. I won't ramble on about the technical side of things - I'll merely focus on situations as I see them. I'm like your average taxi driver, casting an opinion with unfounded confidence though in reality, there are many experts out there who have a much more in depth approach.

So without further ado, let's get up to date. We are 4 races into the season, with a further 15 races to go.. The results of the first 4 races are as follows;

Australia

1. Nico Rosberg, Mercedes
2. Kevin Magnussen, McLaren
3. Jenson Button, McLaren

There are new regulations this season, leading to the engines ultimately being the most complicated and advanced engines we've seen. Because of this, this race was an unknown quantity with quite a few drivers retiring from the race. Daniel Ricciardo was disqualified after crossing the line in 2nd place, and the arrogance of Red Bull led to an appeal - which ultimately failed.

Malaysia

1. Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes
2. Nico Rosberg, Mercedes
3. Sebastian Vettel, Red Bull

I don't remember a huge amount about this race, other than the fact that despite their poor pre-season testing, Red Bull have a competetive car. Mercedes clearly are way ahead of the others currently.

Bahrain

1. Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes
2. Nico Rosberg, Mercedes
3. Sergio Perez, Force India

Awesome race, enjoyed this one. Inter-team battles throughout, a safety car with 15 or so laps remaining and different tyre strategies led to a very exciting finish. Maldonado proved what a fool he is by colliding with Gutierrez, whose car did a flip and landed back on its wheels - luckily though, nobody was hurt.

China

1. Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes
2. Nico Rosberg, Mercedes
3. Fernando Alonso, Ferrari

A relatively mundane race, made interesting by the fact that Rosberg got a bad start and had to work his way through the field. Good to see a Ferrari on the podium - though it was another simple victory for Hamilton.

Here's the current Championship table -

...and that's where we're up to. Next stop is Spain in a couple of weeks as F1 hits Europe for the first time this season. I'll update just beforehand, posting about The Coin Flipping and Team Mate Challenge - as mentioned in my previous post - over that weekend.

Feel free to leave comments and questions, I'll happily reply.

#F1

The F1 Predictions Game

F1 Predictions

Before going into any detail about Formula 1, I want to introduce you to a friendly bit of gambling between myself and my housemate - we call him Dave.

Prior to the season opener, we each secretly made some predictions. We predicted how the entire Championship table would finish at the end of the season, and this is what we each came out with;

These judgements were made based purely on gut feeling and pre-season testing. No races had occurred and no points had been scored. This season in particular is a tricky one to predict, what with there being loads of regulation changes and such.

Jackeline made some predictions of her own, though isn't taking part in the gambling side of things;

When the season is over, we will see how accurate our predictions are. For every position incorrect, we score 1 point - the lowest total wins. So, for instance, I predicted that Hamilton would win the title. If he does so, I score 0 points for that prediction but if he ends up in 2nd place, I score 1 point as I am incorrect by one position. Make sense? We go through each position at the end of the season, scoring points for each of the 22 drivers on the grid.

The man with the lowest total, wins the money! Yaaay! Money!

...you might well be looking at your computer with a little bit of confusion - and you'd be correct to do that. 'Joe you tit, where does this money magically appear from?!'

This is where the second part of this challenge comes in - the Team Mate Challenge.

For every single race, before qualifying, we each pick one member of each team to represent us so that we end up with 11 different drivers. To decide who picks first for each team, we flip a coin. We call this 'The Coin Flipping'.

Alternating turns, we guess the outcome of The Coin Flipping. (Red Bull, I pick heads or tails. Mercedes, Dave picks etc. all the way down to Marussia and Caterham). If you win the toss, you get to choose which of the two drivers in that team represent you, with the other driver going to your opponent.. If you lose the toss, you sacrifice that pick and your opponent gets to decide. It is handy to win the coin toss, if only to be able to pick Grosjean over Maldonado, Kobayashi over Ericsson or to stick your opponent with Sutil.

On race day, the field is full of 11 mini-races between teammates.

Whichever teammate comes out on top scores a point for either Dave or me.

As there are 11 teams, there will never be a draw - unless two team members happen to take eachother out of the race and retire at the same time. By the end of a race, you should have a notepad that looks something like this;

Whoever loses between Dave and myself has to whack £5 into the kitty. This builds up over the season, and by the end should have reached a total of £95. The person to claim this is the person who made the most accurate predictions at the start of the season!

Simple!

Thus far, I have added a whopping £15 into the kitty with Dave only having to surrender £5 on the opening race of the season - but it's early days yet.

 

#F1 #Predictions





Moyes Finishes 10th in Sack Race

 

David Moyes was this morning relieved of his duties as Manchester United manager, finishing 10th in the sack race, in what is yet another disappointing result for United fans.

In a race won convincingly by Paulo Di Canio back in September, Moyes initially started as rank outsider among the likes of Manuel Pellegrini, Jose Mourinho and Arsene Wenger but quickly put himself ahead of these rivals after losing early on in the season against Man City and Liverpool. A home defeat against West Brom seemed only to prove Moyes' determination to get a decent finish, in spite of the backing from the board.

As the season wore on, more candidates crossed the finish line as Ian Holloway finished in second. Martin Jol collected bronze a fair distance behind, as Moyes' staying power was questioned following an unbeaten run through October and November.

The first couple of weeks in December put Moyes back among the pack as successive home defeats against Everton and Newcastle put his job into question, however it was Steve Clarke and Andre Villas-Boas who crossed the line next in what was a photo finish for 4th place.

Moyes' was left cursing the backing of his board, as Malky Mackay profited from his ambitious owners - being relieved of his duties just after Christmas.

David Moyed upped his game in January, being knocked out of both the Capital One Cup and the FA Cup in the first week. He spent £37m on one player and a further defeat to Chelsea raised question marks over his ability as a manager as the Manchester United fans started to turn on him. He was looking good for an impressive 7th placed finish, despite the expectations of a DNF before the season started - but as luck should have it, Swansea parted ways with Brian Laudrup who had a late surge to snatch that position.

Fulham sacked their second manager of the season on Valentines Day, as Rene Meulensteen crossed the line to take 8th place and as the last few games approached, Norwich lost patience with Chris Hughton who crossed the line to grab 9th.

Moyes, now with the finish line in sight, claimed defeats once more against bitter rivals Manchester City and Liverpool, now testing the resolve of his board. Defeat against Bayern Munich in the Champions League followed by a loss againts his former club, Everton, finally saw Moyes finish, claiming the last remaining spot in the top 10.

A resounding effort from the former Manchester United man, who broke many records along the way.


Never one to miss an opportunity, the creators of Football Manager 2014 tweeted this moments after the news broke of Moyes' departure;



 

Genius!

Breaking the duck

To those of you curious enough to read ahead, good luck to you.

Ahead awaits a forest of carnage and destruction, a winding pathway of competetive spirit, and the occasional glistening sparkle of wisdom.

You will get an insight into the mind of the not-at-all-average Joe, as he delves into another chapter in his life.

I can only apologise for the fact that this journey starts right in the heart of the action - 27 years, 6 months and 15 days since his creation. It's a wonder to believe what has become of this young fellow, as he slowly negotiates the rickety bridge of manhood...

...not a bad introduction if I do say so myself, though it probably makes this seem a bit more interesting than it might actually be. I'd like to think you read that as though listening to the start of a Disney film, or as though it were read by Brian Blessed. If not, re-read it in such a manner. It becomes much more dramatic.

For what it's worth, here is a little insight into me;

I am 27 years old (6 months, and 15 days)
I was born in Hastings, but currently live in London.
I am engaged to a particularly beautiful and excitable Colombian, who has encouraged me to start a blog. We are to wed in Colombia in June 2015.
I'm learning Spanish.
I work in Theatre Management in a West End venue.
I have just starting reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, having read them all in order thus far.
My interests are to be listed as the following, in no particular order;

• Football
• Formula 1
• Football Manager 2014
• PS4 (particularly GTA5 at the moment)

In turn I will introduce you to each segment of my life and interests, as though you are reading from 4 different books at the same time. I will colour code them, so that you can decipher whether I'm talking about real life, or computer game fiction.

Though you have missed out on 27 and a half years of my existence, you do join me at a rather exciting time - particularly if you have the same interests as me (I'd like to think you at least have some curiosity);

• Crewe Alexandra, the team I have supported since I was about 10, are in a mighty relegation battle at the foot of League 1. With 3 games remaining, they have their fate in their own hands, but it will be rather tight. They play tonight against Colchester United in a must-not-lose game!
• Liverpool, the team I supported from the ages of about 7-10 are top of the Premier League, and are on the verge of winning the title for the first time since 1990! I don't support them these days, but consider them my 'number 2' team.
• The new F1 season is merely weeks old. We have just enjoyed a weekend of action from the Shanghai International Circuit in China, the 4th race of the season. I will be delving into the intricacies of my F1 passion in my next post.
• Playstation wise, on GTA5 online I have just created myself a new character and removed my level 132 from the game. It was a bit of a wrench, but we've got to keep things fresh...
• FM14 - I will, at some point, go into the details of this game as it is immense and immersive. I will almost certainly start a new save file, which can be followed through this blog.

Right, I think that's sufficient warning. Off we go!