The Three Year Itch

...This post is going to be something a little different to the usual F1/Football kind of posts that I put up. This one is a little more personal, a little more 'real' and somewhat more candid.

I am in love with my fiancée. It seems like a straightforward enough concept. It makes sense, it is simple. It doesn't, however, reflect the entire story.

We have been unofficially seeing eachother for more or less three years. In June it will be officially 3 years, but I started loving her way before then.

The three year itch is thought to be the feeling you get after three years together. The feeling that either you have to commit to your relationship, or accept that it isn't going anywhere and drift apart. It isn't by any means a 'we must have the itch' but it is something I, and many other people, can relate to.

The following paragraphs are my thoughts on the concept.

There comes a point in almost every relationship where you start to take your partner for granted. No longer do you feel the butterflies you once felt, you don't have them on your mind for every second of the day and you don't feel the pure need and desire to be at their side for every waking breath. This isn't a matter of falling 'out of love', but merely a matter of getting used to your current life and accepting things the way they are.

At this point, you could go down one of a few routes;

The Pessimist
Desperately you try to force your partner to love you again. You question everything, you question your partner's motives and you worry about what the future may bring. You don't know how to 'fix' the issue, and it gets you down. You're sure that the relationship is going to end, and for every good week, 5 minutes of doubt sets you back to the beginning. You're in a true slump, and you feel like you have no control over anything.

The Optimist
You find yourself saying things like 'Ahhh it'll be fine' all the time, and you refuse to accept that anything is wrong. You're happy with the way things are, you've no reason to change anything and you're convinced it'll all blow over and figure itself out in the end.

The Butterfly Catcher
The most naive. The one for dreamers. You don't know where the butterflies have gone, but you fear you'll never get them again and so you start to seek someone else who will bring them back. You could ultimately be chasing butterflies every three years for the rest of your life, or until you learn that it just doesn't work like that.

The Thinker
You understand and accept that realistically you won't have the feelings you had at the start of the relationship. You have a deeper, more emotional connection than that. You are aware that you have found someone special, you happily accept your partner the way they are. You now follow your head more than your heart, but you are happy to do so. You possibly refer to your partner as your soul-mate.

The Wimp
You never really wanted a long term thing, but have found yourself stumbling along for three years without having any better options. and never having found a way out. You might take this opportunity to cut ties, but you start to feel bad about the years you have wasted. You probably worry a lot about how others perceive you, so you brace yourself for the next year in the hope that an opportunity comes along to jump ship without taking the blame for heartache, or in the hope that some how you will actually want to be in the relationship.

I don't consider myself a relationship expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't help but try to offer some advice.

If you decide to commit to your partner, I think it's important to ultimately ignore your instincts. It is quite normal to go through this phase and fear for your future. It's easy to think that your partner doesn't love you as much because they don't make the effort that they used to, but you need to push that mindset aside and work at what you do have.

Don't place the blame anywhere, don't expect them to come up with a magical plan to make you feel wonderful, don't have any expectations at all. Find reasons to continuously appreciate each other. Be sure to thank each other, do the little things and have a cuddle once in a while. Enjoy the simple things that you might overlook or take for granted. We are all human, and all have feelings. Nurse the feelings, but don't worry if the butterflies don't reappear too often. Be content with happiness and comfort, and understand that your partner has your best interests at heart.

I've stolen this quote from an article I just read;
Love isn't a feeling that should be triggered or instilled by someone else; it should be drawn from an intimate, deep gratitude for finally finding someone who understands you, will always be there for you and reciprocates all of this on the same level.

So there it is. I committed to Jackeline a long time ago, and she did me. We are due to wed next June, and although it may seem very simple and straightforward, relationships are difficult. I could probably see a bit of myself in most of the descriptions I've given - though I'd like to consider myself more of a thinker than anything else. I appreciate her. She makes me happy, but not because of anything special - but because of who she is, what she believes in and how she is always there to turn to when I need some care or advice. She is my soulmate, and I love her very dearly.