I've only ever called one person 'Dad' before. It's a name that, to me, refers to just one person in the entire World.
The gravitas of that title being bestowed upon me has yet to really hit me. The responsibility that goes with it, the care and love. I am setting myself up to be somebody's idol, someone to directly look up to. I have also helped create something that will directly reflect Jackeline and I, and our abilities to be a Mum & Dad. Our ability to work as a team. This is real.
What's gone through my head today? SO much. I'm not worried what he/she looks like. I'm more worried about how we can creatively break this news to the world. Do we do a video? A clever picture? Or do we simply just keep it classy? Are there people we should tell immediately, or do we go through the first stages of this as just the two of us? How will Jackeline keep it a secret if she has sickness? We need to get a car. What weird stuff is Jackeline going to crave? Is she going to turn into a monster? Should I just spend the next 9 months sleeping as much as I can to make up for the fact I'll not sleep properly for ages after? What shall we call it?! Do we find out the gender? Does it really matter? I should probably cut down on my alcohol intake.. What is safe for Jackeline to eat?
I was walking towards a nearby village earlier, and I had a tough time keeping my emotions in check. I felt my perspective change. I walked differently, I felt taller. It was as though I could see myself from above, evolving into the next stage of adulthood. I've already got a pretty questionable sense of humour and my dancing at weddings can be fairly embarrassing, so that's at least two things ticked off the Dad list already.. I suppose there's a little more to it than that though.
I went to pick up a Valentine's Day card for Jackeline, and considered telling the shopkeeper our huge secret. I resisted, but the urge to shout it out from the tallest mountain is there. But no, Jackeline and I are keeping a secret from the entire world. This is OUR moment. We celebrated with a home cooked meal and a Disney film containing the song we had for our first dance.
I've never felt so in love with someone as I am with her right now. I'm SO full of pride. I know that she's going to be an incredible Mum, and that this little poppy seed is going to be loved by the vast array of incredible and unique people we have in our lives. We are so lucky.
But we must keep perspective. It is literally Day 1 for us, she's roughly 4 weeks pregnant. We can't really relax until around weeks 10-12. We must stay sensible, and take care of this delicate little package.
Overall I'm immensely proud, happy and excited. Terrified too, but that's normal. We've been sensible, and although our finances could be better and a car would be lovely, we're ready for this.
I won't be updating this daily, but I'll look to fill you in next week.
Much love x
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